[Fuck{MyLife]isAverage}
The best MLIA from Yesterday
The best FML from Today
- Today, I remembered that the building on the end of my road used to be a bar. It is now a kidney/liver dialysis center. I laughed. MLIA
- Today, I was at a basketball game. I sat behind this guy with the name “Crisp” on his jacket. I’m a girl, and my last name is “Rice.” I must find this guy and have little Rice-Crispy babies with him. MLIA.
- Yesterday was the first heavy snow of the season. Today, out of boredom, I made two snowmen pointing hair dryers at each other angrily. A newspaper photographer happened to see it, and I’m going to be in tomorrow’s paper. MLIA
- Today, I got pulled aside for violating the school dress code by wearing a tank top. While my teacher was lecturing me how showing too much skin made it look like I had a “reputation” one of the senior guys in the class pulled off his shirt and yelled “How’s THIS for too much skin!?!?!?!” I didn’t get in trouble. MLIA
- Today, I was bored and began switching the first letters of syllables around in words when speaking, like rainbow=bainrow, strawberry=bawstrerry, reindeer=deinreer, etc. You can imagine my mom’s surprise when I accidentally told her I was going to have some “cop porn” while watching a movie. MLIA
- Today, my parents forgot me at the grocery store. I’m 16 years old, and was standing less than 2 feet from the car when they drove off. MLIA
- Today, i was rinsing hair dye out of my hair so of course my eyes were closed. When i opened them i couldnt see anything but blackness, and i started freaking out that i had gone blind from the hairdye. Then my mother came in with a flashlight. tThe power had gone out. MLIA.
- Today, my family and I went out to eat. As i opened the door to get into my mom’s car, i saw a broom laying across the seat. We just got 8 inches of snow, and it didn’t process in my mind that my mom had just been outside brushing the car off. I asked her, “Mom, why do you have a broom in your car?”. Without hesitation, she replied “Alternative transportation”. I love my mom. MLIA.
- Yesterday, I walked into a clear door and apologized to it. When I looked up there was a piece of paper taped to it saying, “It’s alright.” I felt forgiven. MLIA
- Yesterday, I wasnt feeling well, and was laying on the couch. My daughter thought she’d be nice, and be my nurse. I was woken up by her jamming a ritz cracker into my mouth because she thought I looked hungry, and crackers are good to eat when you’re sick. MLIA
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